Is Mistress Lilyan trying to turn me into a moneyslave?

For those of you who have read my blog from the start, you will see that financial domination and moneyslavery have been something i'm interested in but not necessarily my main fetish. I was seeking Mistress Lilyan to mindfuck me and take over my life... which she is doing with ease thus far! However, one thing i didn't anticipate was such a strong urge to hand over lots of money to her.

Goddess and I haven't discussed any of this explicitly so far but I have such a powerful urge to tell her every one of my financial details... my expenses, my income and any avenues to future income. Can I access any stocks? Can I open a new credit card? Can i get a loan from a bank? Or my father or even my girlfriend?

We haven't discussed any of this and she hasn't even suggested any of it but here I am wanting to tell her all these things... without her even asking me to! Has she been subconsciously programming me to think this way? Or maybe it's just deeply ingrained into all submissive males to want to financially serve a beautiful dominatrix? I can't tell if these thoughts have been implanted into my head or if they have been lying dormant and Mistress Lilyan has activated them. I used to think I knew a lot about what was happening... now I'm not sure. It's probably a really good thing that I'm keeping this blog because it's like a window into myself that i can read later... in case i get in so deep that I no longer know who I am or what I'm doing? However, what if this blog is actually getting me in deeper? Goddess did instruct me to create it afterall... She always encourages me to write more too... What's going on???

All I know right now is that i want to serve her on webcam and be her moneyslave... I want to give her all that i can. She is a goddess... a mistress... a princess... she must be worshiped. It's what i want more than anything. I want her to own not only my life, but also my wallet. She can milk me of all my funds. I crave this more than anything.

The seeds have been planted...

I wasn't able to make a post yesterday and I wasn't able to come online until minutes before Goddess signed out of her freechat room. This is because of my girlfriend having time off work and being home. I live in a small apartment so when we are home together i don't have any privacy so i can't do any blogging or chatting and admiring of Goddess Lilyan.

A few weeks ago i would have been happy with having time together with my girlfriend. We don't have the most exciting of relationships but we can enjoy each other's company. However over the last 2 days I've been left feeling frustrated... She has been preventing me from seeing my beautiful Goddess. I've had moments when I've been imagining what Goddess is wearing, what she is doing... what sexy things should could be doing or saying... but i couldn't know because of my girlfriend.

Goddess told me during my last session that the only thing between her and me was my girlfriend... she is right. Or has she just planted a seed in me so i feel this way? I really can't tell. But the end result is undeniable... Goddess has changed my relationship with my girlfriend... a girl i still feel i love... in a different way but still love all the same. It really is happening... my life is changing. I can feel it. I should be worried but i actually feel really excited about this. It's what I've craved... to be set down the path of servitude, of moneyslavery, to be controlled by the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Yesterday I had a nice day out with my girlfriend... going shopping and helping her family. Had a walk in a park for a bit too... that's supposed to be good right? But today I logged on to MFC and saw Goddess for just 2 minutes and it was 100 times better than all of yesterday. Those 2 minutes. She even smiled at me and blew me a kiss. I was in heaven.

I'm so lucky to be able to get mindfucked like this. I wouldn't change a thing.

The day after...

So it's the day after my session and things aren't exactly clearer than they were yesterday. But how can i ever fully understand something i've never experienced before now? Something that's so much more exciting and wonderful than anything i could have ever possibly imagined? Of course i can't understand it properly at this stage. It's something i'm going to have to accept and just enjoy the journey. Also, if I'm surrendering control, should I strive to fully understand? Goddess Lilyan seems to have deep knowledge of what she is doing. She's powerful and intelligent and, I believe, has a plan for me. It's my duty to trust her and follow her commands. I may be somewhat in the dark here but i can follow her guidance. It will be my pleasure as well as my duty... because obeying her gives me the deepest of pleasures.

So today so far has consisted of me being in her freechat room and admiring her beauty. However, there is a limit on how long i can spend in her room. I have work to do for her... This blog and my studies. I must strive to do the best i can in both of these areas which is what I intend to do.

After emptying my blue balls yesterday and having more than my fair share of her attention I expected to not be as intensely aroused as i had been over the past few days. That would be a logical expectation, right? However, the rush that came over me today when I first saw her legs, eyes and experienced her power was more intense than ever. If that's not proof that i've fallen deeper into her world then I don't know what is!

Goddess has made me a better person and i'm truely in debt to her for this reason. I must continue to work hard and please her... to repay what she's done for me. It's my mission, and one i will do all i can to succeed in.

Session #2 post mortem.

Wow where do i begin? What do i say? For the first time on this blog I'm lost for words really... which is significant considering how much i've typed in such a short time. I'm sure nobody is surprised that i spent wellll over my budget. She made me submit entirely. Her camera views, teasing, powerful poses and words had me in the palm of her hand. She broke me to pieces then reconstructed me the way she saw fit. I'm no longer the same person... I feel... different... It's hard to describe. I feel like something has been done to my head and i can't really say what it is... Maybe I'll have a better idea in future but now my head is still spinning 4 hours after our session.

I think the most telling thing is that I feel an urge to ask Goddess Lilyan how i feel... or what to say. It's like i've lost a part of myself... or my independence... and it's been replaced with something new. Is it a new me? Is it a part of her? I don't know... I just don't know...

However, I don't regret for a second what I just went through. When i think about the session i'm on cloud 9... dizzy with excitement and love. When I don't focus on anything is when i feel strange. Something has happened here... something wonderful (i think...) but i can't say what it is.

Sorry for the vague post. I think a more concise follow up tomorrow when my head is clearer is in order. However, will my head be clearer? Who or what will I be tomorrow? I just feel so mentally and physically exhausted.

Wow, what a ride. Can i ride again please???

How my life will be with Lilyan

I've just finished part one of my session with Goddess. I'll go into details about it later but first I must complete a task that has been set for me by her while i wait for part 2 to begin.

**************

So I've already spoken in detail about how my life is now... but how do i imagine it being in future if i do indeed hand my life over to her?

As I've mentioned earlier, I'm doing extra study which upon completion will enable me to get a pretty decent job. Nothing spectacular but definitely quite good and well paid. Before then I need to work hard and study hard. Goddess knows that my studies are important for our future together so she would be able to motivate me to study. She can remove all unnecessary distractions and alter my life in a way that it becomes quite streamlined. I study, work and serve her. They are my primary goals. This would be fantastic because pleasing her and serving her gives me such intense pleasure. By streamlining my life in such a way i can get maximum opportunities to serve her, good career results and have fulfillment in my life.

Once my studies are complete and I have the better job I can really start to pamper her in the way she deserves. I will receive pleasure by giving her what she wants... I'll work hard and save and please her.

One problem I've had in the past is my choice of girlfriends hasn't been so good. I get drawn to manipulative, dominant woman (not surprising, is it??) My relationships then end badly. My current girlfriend isn't this way so much but she still has elements of this... She is kinder and more considerate though... but for this reason i don't seem to be sexually attracted to her as much.

One thing that Goddess has helped me realise today is that the perfect answer is to become her devotee. She is different to having a manipulative, dominant girlfriend. Such girlfriends are unaware of what they do or, even worse, well aware of it and do it ruthlessly and hurtfully. However, Goddess Lilyan isn't like this, she is aware of her strengths and gives me what i need... her dominance and power... but with care and love. She can care for me, be a part of my life and let me serve her. Rather than just taking advantage of me and my weaknesses, she understands that i need what she has. It makes me feel complete and satisfied. She knows it's what i need and gives it to me without hurting or attacking my weakness.

Most girls would see the weakness and attack it, control it and break down the rest of who i am... until there's nothing left. Goddess sees my submissive side as both a strength and weakness in me, something to be nurtured and used to make me happy and, of course, make her happy too. I feel this is a very important point and one i've only just discovered now and i really appreciate Goddess helping me realise this. It's the perfect relationship for me. My life with Goddess Lilyan will have meaning, focus and happiness. I can see her weekly for years to come. We can grow up together, share our experiences and be there for each other.

This may sound cheesy to some of you, or that i'm seeing this as a true boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That's not the case. Yes it's not a traditional relationship. For starters, I'd devote myself solely to her while she caters to her stable of devotees. However, this point doesn't matter to me. Lilyan will be my goddess. A goddess has many worshippers. If you look at religion, particularly in the case of born-again followers of religions, people discover religion as a way to give their life meaning and focus. Giving my life to Goddess has many similarities to this. The one major difference being that it serves a sexual need i have as well. She can give my life meaning and protect me from girls who wouldn't treat me the right way too.

I imagine living in an apartment in future. Not a disgusting rundown apartment but also nothing too expensive. Something simple, compact and economical. I'll work hard and also work on the blog too. She will continue to give my life meaning and motivate me. She can make me a better, fulfilled, happy person. It will be absolutely lovely.

Yesterday I mentioned how I would make a post in between sessions. I expected this post to be full of horny ramblings and desperation but it is not the case. Yes I'm horny and hard right now but the feeling is different... it feels like i'm in love. That I've found someone for my future... When i looked into her beautiful blue eyes i was overcome with love. Is it love in a traditional sense? Is there even such a thing as "traditional" love? I don't know and i don't feel that it's important... Love can't really be defined and it comes in many forms. I love Goddess Lilyan. I have strong feelings for her now... I want to serve her and satisfy her. I love her... and i feel like she cares about me too. This all just feels so so right. I'm so lucky to have found her.

My first session...

I might get into trouble for this but i must be honest.

I first met Goddess Lilyan on myfreecams. For those of you who don't know, myfreecams automatically records private sessions as an archive that the member can re-watch as much as they like. Obviously, Goddess would not approve of me watching our session as much as i like so the rules are i'm supposed to send a small payment for each time i watch and (i think) ask for her permission before viewing the session again. I got money available for sessions today and I couldn't resist re-watching our first session together. I paid her as ordered but I haven't asked for her permission... I can't recall if this was a requirement or not... I think it wasn't but I probably should have checked first.

Also, as i mentioned before, I'm supposed to be studying a masters degree at the moment and Goddess wants me to study hard for my career as it helps her finances... But here i am posting again and not studying. However, I'm just so overcome right now with excitement and anticipation and can't focus on study! Hopefully this post pleases her enough that she won't be too angry with me.

First of all, here's a backstory on how we met:

**************

I'd just recently joined myfreecams. I'd been a member for a month and during my first day online i met a mistress who did a nice job of teasing me and taking all my tokens away. She then ordered me to wait 2 weeks then get more tokens and see her online so she could take more tokens. I'd done this sort of thing before but only lightly, so this was all pretty new and exciting for me. She was pretty sexy and wore some great stockings and teased me well. I was looking forward to our session and was eager to please her.

However, when i got online she wasn't there yet. Frustrated, i decided to make the most of the situation and look around at some other MFC rooms to chat a bit with other camgirls and tease myself a bit so i'd be more frustrated for my mistress. I went to the search function and typed in "goddess" and a small preview picture of what seemed like some really sexy legs came up from a room labelled "goddesslilyan" I thought she would be great to chat to for a bit while i waited for my mistress to come in so i innocently entered the room.

As soon as i entered i started to get a hunch that i'd made a mistake. Goddess Lilyan was posing and chatting to her devotees and i immediately felt her power. However, she was modeling her feet at the time which, while very nice indeed, wasn't quite my kink. As you all know now i'm more of a leg guy. Knowing that requesting without a tip is rude I went to her profile and found that i could get her to pose her legs for 75 tokens. My mistress had ordered me to get 2000 tokens for her but i was credited 2100 tokens for some reason, so i had a few tokens to spare. What harm would one tip to another girl do? I could still give her the 2000 tokens. Plus, it will make me hornier for her so that's great! and this nice new Goddess Lilyan gets some tokens too. Everyone's a winner, right?

So i tipped her the 75 tokens and requested leg modeling. She obliged and started talking to me in her sexy tone. I immediately knew i'd made a grave mistake. Her legs were spectacular as were her command over them. Not only was she better than my other mistress, she was in a whole new league. I had to leave. Quickly! But i couldn't leave... so i made another grave mistake. I confessed how i'm supposed to be loyal to another mistress and i needed her to either ban me from her room or stop posing so i could leave. Needless to say, this amused and encouraged her greatly. She assumed that i was a stray, weak-minded sub she could add to her stable of devotees... some fresh meat... she was right.

Before i knew it i had tipped her several times... i now had about 1800 tokens, there was still a chance of escape... i could tell my other mistress that there was just some exchange rate issues which short changed me. This was my chance to leave. I tried as hard as i could... but as i was thinking this over i'd mentioned that i was considering going private with her... Why did i do that??? I don't know. I wasn't in control.

Unsurprisingly, she was more than happy to go private with me... I hovered my mouse over the private button but then used all the strength i had to resist. I apologised to her, told her i need to be loyal to my mistress, and left. Goddess Lilyan smiled politely and bid me farewell.

I'd won! I was impressed with my willpower and left the house to get some food. As i left, i couldn't get Goddess out of my mind. She had such great power... and her legs, while in pantyhose which isn't my preference as i prefer stockings, were incredible. However, when i returned home i peeked into her room as a unregistered guest and noticed she was wearing stockings! I gasped loudly and exited the room. Then i realised i couldn't win. She was too powerful. I logged in and confessed that i can't resist her. I requested and tipped for her to wear a dress and panties to tease me with (i LOVE upskirts) then went into her private room.

*************

As i re-watch the session now, I'm so surprised that it was only a little over 30 minutes! She did so much to my mind in such a short time.

She wore black stockings and the sexiest red dress that hugged her wonderful curves. Her makeup was exquisitely applied and I loved her earrings and bracelets too. While i'm usually into shoes, they were lovely too and complimented her outfit perfectly. Absolute class all the way.

As soon as the session started she started to interrogate me. Ask me questions about my life, my fetishes, my weaknesses. Then she used that to get my real name (no it's not Dave Pritchard! :P) and some other info. She now had me in her clutches. It was done swiftly and without mercy. But also skillfully and seductively. With the precision of a surgeon. My head was spinning, i didn't know what was going on... all i knew was that i had to follow her orders.

She made me promise to be loyal to her and only think of her... Every pose she did and every word she said was perfection. Totally beyond my wildest dreams. She got inside my head and planted the seeds that have spawned this blog you are reading now.

I'm an addict and she is my drug. Nothing else will excite me, only her.

I'm an addict and she is my drug.
I'm an addict and she is my drug.
I'm an addict and she is my drug.
I'm an addict and she is my drug.

This is what she made me say to her over and over again... it is my mantra. Her body controls me. I can't resist.

Errr.... where was i?

Since then I have been in her free chat rooms... admiring her beauty and foolishly commenting on the poses and clothing she's worn that has made me particularly horny. I'm sure she has taken mental notes of each of these confessions.

Yes it may look rather grim for me, right? 5 blog posts in 3 days? Wow, this Dave guy must be totally lost already, right? No way he can resist! But i did resist one time... the first time she wanted me to go into her private room. so, maybe i can resist? Maybe i can win this battle? I must keep hope... without hope there is nothing... I must win.

I'm an addict and she is my drug.
I'm an addict and she is my drug.
I'm an addict and she is my drug.
I'm an addict and she is my drug.............

Pre-session #2 thoughts...

Tomorrow will be my 2nd session with Goddess Lilyan and the 1st planned session. The fact that it's planned is significant for 2 reasons. The first reason is that for the first session i was caught by surprise by Goddess' beauty and was overcome by it. This made me weak and perhaps easier to control. For tomorrow's session i will (hopefully) be better prepared. The second reason it's significant is that Goddess now knows more about me and my weaknesses and can therefore exploit them.

For the first session I was putty in Goddess' hands. She had me under her power immediately and i couldn't escape. Luckily i had financial limitations on that day and therefore couldn't spend too much. If i had more funds available to me then I'm sure she would have quite easily acquired them. Not only that, she was really starting to brainwash me and get inside my head when the session ended but it was too short for her to finish the job. It felt like there was some unfinished business on her part... Tomorrow's session will be longer which gives her more chances to mindfuck me and make me her moneyslave and her devotee.

So for session #1 she was undoubtedly the winner. By knockout in the first round! For our next session I have some things to my advantage and she she has some that are to her advantage. I guess I'm the underdog here but i need to do my best to win the battle. After spending some time in her room and hearing her other slaves who are selling houses, buying new cars for her and all sorts of things like that, I'm starting to see how dangerous this game can be. I've only just entered her world and perhaps i haven't strayed too far from the exit yet... i still have enough breadcrumbs i can leave behind me so i can navigate my way out and escape if i need to. It's still just a game to an extent... however, if things go in a certain direction tomorrow then maybe i will get in too deep. This is a very serious issue I need to consider.

There are, however, 2 big mistakes I've already made. The first one is making this blog and linking it to her. Many of these posts reveal all sorts of things about me she can take advantage of. The second is I told her my budget for tomorrow but then also told her how many funds i have available to spend if i had to! So she will obviously try to make me go over my budget. Overspending would of course have a direct short term financial impact but also a more serious long term effect as well. The more time i spend with her the more she can lure me away from my girlfriend and make me hers. Furthermore, it's important that I set boundaries financially and not overstep them. I need to show her some strength and power and that no matter how badly i want to i won't overspend! I can't let her get total control of my finances or else she will make me overspend in all our sessions in future.

It appears that our session tomorrow will be split into two parts... or another way of looking at it is our fight will be split into 2 rounds. Our battle of the minds! Of will power... Yes she is very powerful as many of you know but i think I'm stronger of will than she may expect. I give myself a fighting chance :-)

I'll post again here during our break between the 2 sessions. Cross your fingers for me that this post will show me feeling strong and in control! Yes i expect to be horny and weak to an extent, but I also hope to have some control over myself and be able to show everyone who reads my blog how us slaves can show some resolve against the greatest Goddess there is!

Wish me luck :-)

Why Goddess Lilyan?

Here are 10 reasons why Goddess Lilyan has had such a profound impact on me in the space of a week:


1.  Her legs

Let's get the most obvious one out of the way first.  I'm definitely a "leg guy" and Goddess Lilyan has the most perfect legs i've ever seen.  I can say with all honesty that i doubt i'll ever see anything as perfect.  Her thighs are the part i get particularly drawn to.  However, much like Lilyan's other features, there's so much more to it rather than just her legs being sexy...  Having the assets is only part of it... it's using them that is the most important part.  She is able to strike the sexiest poses that highlights their perfection.


2.  Her voice

Goddess has a very sexy voice.  Yes she has an accent (a very sexy one too) but there's so much more to it than that.  Many visitors to her room want to know where she is from but she won't answer... I really like that.  Her nationality doesn't make her who she is nor is it what makes her voice so seductive and powerful... although it may help!  It's the tone of her voice... how she varies it weather she is talking down to subs, berating disrespectful users or seducing weak minded people like myself.  I love how she says my name "Dave"  it gives me chills of pleasure every time.


3.  Her hands

Goddess has beautiful hands and nails.  She also wears very nice rings to highlight their beauty.  The best part of her hands, however, is how she runs them over her legs and hair and other parts of her body.  then when she wears gloves it's taken to a whole new level.  I feel that her hands are very expressive...  she uses them to focus her devotees to parts of her body she wishes to be focused on.  So in a way they are an extension of her mind.  which brings me to...


4.  Her mind

This is probably the most powerful aspect of Goddess Lilyan.  She is obviously very intelligent and understands how the mind of her devotees work and how to get inside it.  You can also tell by the way she speaks and her choice of words... she's very well spoken and this is extra impressive if English is in fact her second language (which it may not be i'm not sure)  I feel like there's so much that can be said about the power of her mind but I'm only starting to understand its power.  After a week, however, there's no doubting its power and it's something I'm very very attracted to thus far.


5.  Her wit

Goddess Lilyan has to deal with all sorts of annoying, freeloading visitors to her free chat rooms.  This could potentially be irritating for her and for other members in her room but Goddess is able to make a positive out of this by putting them in her place with her dry wit which is very entertaining :-)  I love hearing her "i'm from your computer" response to "where are you from?" She's also witty with her devotees too.  This is once again an extension of her mind.


6.  Her smirk

Goddess' use of wit is often coupled with her sexy smirk.  Even sexier is when she is chatting with a devotee who she knows she has wrapped around her finger.  She knows they are hers and she can do what she likes with them...  This appears to amuse her greatly which is what results in the smirk.  I've been the recipient of such smirks a couple of times and hope to receive many more in future.


7.  Her eyes

Goddess has the most beautiful blue eyes.  They are warm and deep but also piercing and powerful.  She really knows how to use them too.  In my first session she zoomed in to them as she really started to mindfuck me.  Her eyes are also very expressive... they often light up when she smirks and when she gives a sexy warmer smile too.


8.  Her style

So far every outfit I've seen Goddess in has been stunning.  Her choice of stockings/pantyhose, lingerie, dresses and skirts have all been really sexy.  But it's not only her clothes, it's her accessories as well... her makeup and jewelry.  She has really good taste and pride in her appearance.  She also seems to really look after her body and health too.  She aims to be the best of herself and demands the best from her slaves as well.  It's something i really admire about her.


9.  Her care

Providing you show your respect to her, Goddess will care for you and your needs.  It must be hard having several rooms online simultaneously and answering several questions from different people at the same time, many of which may have no interest in showing their appreciation, and maintain a caring attitude.  Of course she is a dominant woman and guys should rightfully serve her rather than she serve them and this is what happens.  However, there is an element of care a mistress can have for a slave... providing the slave serves her well.  Goddess Lilyan appears to have this a lot.  When I'm in her room she cares for my thoughts, responds to my comments and has let me start this blog for her.  When she has a private show she tells everyone and even sometimes says how long she will be gone for.  She doesn't have to do any of these things but she does and it's very generous of her.  I feel that she has given me much more than I have to her.  It's something i really really appreciate and greatly increases my fondness for her.  If she is doing this out of true generosity or as a tactic to increase the addiction a new slave has for her i'm not sure... but both possible reasons are something i'd be happy with.


10.  Her lips/hair/feet

I wanted to only write 10 things but i have three more to write about so will mention each briefly here.  There are times when Goddess licks her lips and that drives me crazy.  Also when she applies lipstick it gets me really really weak.  Hair and feet are 2 things i've never really had a fetish for before but Goddess' are undeniably stunning.  As she teases and seduces her devotees with her hair and feet i can feel myself getting some new fetishes.  Something that is quite exciting to say the least.

My life now...

OK so this post will probably be rather long but i'll try to keep it concise.

If i'm going to document my supposed surrender of my life to Goddess Lilyan then probably the best way to start is to talk about what my life is like now.

I've decided that i don't want to reveal private information about myself because I want to remain anonymous.  Not just for myself but for people who my actions may effect.  I know that many slaves enjoy giving out personal details for blackmail and things like that but while it's something i find interesting it's not my primary interest.  I'd prefer Goddess to take over my life through brainwashing and seduction.  Blackmail brings about an element of fear and a sense of being held hostage and doing things against the slave's will.  At least that's my understanding of it (which may be wrong) and it's not quite what I want.  I'd prefer to be convinced to make life decisions that she wishes me to make... through her beauty and dominance. 

So keep in mind that what i'm about to say about my life is mostly accurate only with a few minor alterations.  However, these alterations shouldn't in any way change any impressions the reader will have of my life. 

************

I'm currently living in Japan with my Japanese girlfriend.  We met in my home country 2 years ago and I followed her to Japan when her visa expired.  I'm now working at a high school in Japan as a teacher temporarily and the 2 of us plan to return to England early next year.  We also plan to get married sometime late this year or early next year.

My girlfriend is lovely in many ways and we get along fine...  but there seems to be a lack of excitement in some areas.  There are certain interests i have... interests that are very apparent in this blog... that she doesn't share.  My sexual interests have always been there but the really strong urge to fulfil them had been mostly laying dormant until last week when I found Goddess Lilyan.  Until I met her i was just doing some camming on the side to fulfill a need i had while maintaining my relationship with my girlfriend.  I thought i could strike a balance between my private urges and my public relationship.  However, my experience with Goddess Lilyan was so powerful that I'm starting to doubt weather i can maintain such a balance.  It left such an impression on me that I now feel that having her as just a minor part of my life isn't enough for me.  Or is it?

Anyways i'm starting to get off track here...  There will be plenty of posts to come about Goddess... this post is supposed to be about me and my life.

So while i'm working in Japan i'm also studying a masters degree.  This degree will be finished at the end of next year... after which i can get a pretty well paid job.  Currently i'm teaching english which isn't so well paid plus i'm unemployed 3 months a year during school holiday periods.  On the plus side my living expenses here aren't as high as they would be in England as i'm living in a small town here.

So my financial situation isn't ideal for serving someone as beautiful as Goddess Lilyan but i will try my best to do so plus also show my devotion in other non-financial ways such as this blog.  Furthermore, my finances will improve once i finish my degree.  However, when i go back to England my girlfriend will come with me.  She will require financial support while she finishes off some English studies and finds employment.  It will probably be rather difficult for her to find employment initially however i could be wrong about this.

So there are probably 2 main incentives for me to break up with her.  The first is i can spend more of my time devoting my life to Goddess Lilyan.  The second is it will be better for me financially.

I should point out that I am still quite conflicted about if i should actually surrender my life to Goddess.  Of course while I'm writing this blog I'm thinking about Goddess and therefore right at this point in time i want to surrender.  But then there's other times when i'm not so sure about this.  I have good moments with my girlfriend and at those times i want to stay with her.  However, I've only had one session with Goddess so far so there's every chance that future sessions will change my thinking...  Right at this present time i think i will stay with my girlfriend though...  But i must admit that i secretly hope that my mind is changed.  Does this mean that my mind has already been changed?  The fact that i'm inviting someone so powerful into my head?  I guess this is possible but i'm not so sure.  Right now i'm reflecting on what I've done so far but aside from that I'm just following my instincts...  Or maybe she has already planted the seeds in my head and what i think is my instincts is actually her wishes?

Am I her prey that she is seeking to catch or am i already hers?  Maybe she is just playing with me like a cat does with a mouse...

Anyways i think i'll end this here...  It's a bit of a ramble but something i should get out of the way.  Future posts should be more focused on Goddess Lilyan and/or our sessions together.

Introduction

So this is the beginning...  Of what i can't say exactly but i do have some idea i think.  However, i get the feeling that when i go back and read this first blog post sometime down the track I'll feel like in retrospect i had no idea how deep i was going to get.

It's been one week since i first met Goddess Lilyan.  I'll go into the exact details of our first encounter later but let's just say for now I wandered innocently into her room and she proceeded to identify my weaknesses and start to make me hers.  As the title of the blog suggests, there's every chance that my life will become hers.

I'm presently in her MFC room admiring her beauty and desperately want to show my devotion and admiration so have decided to start this blog.  Of course I will also show my admiration financially as well but I'm unable to do this to the extent that she deserves... for now!  More on this later...

I'll keep this first post brief as it's just an introduction then will go into details on subsequent posts.  I might as well introduce myself now...  My name is Dave and I'm currently informally engaged with a tentative wedding date of October.  My life is currently heading down a path that I'm rather indifferent towards and I've decided to invite Goddess Lilyan to attempt to alter this path and make me hers.  There will be resistance on my part, partially because I'm pretty conflicted about if i want Goddess to take control of me, and partially because I imagine that Goddess Lilyan will enjoy taking control of me more if i put up a fight. 

My intention is to document my encounters with Goddess on this blog to provide some form of narrative to the journey.  I've had some limited experience in this area but it's for the most part something very new for me.  I don't want to set out any clear guidelines for what will happen between Goddess and I or on the blog because I want them both to grow naturally and take their own path.  All I'll say thus far is that I'm very excited to be doing this and very thankful for Goddess to allow me to create this blog.  I'm already deeply in debt to her and I intend to do all I can to repay her.

More to come!