Pre-session #3 & study challenge game

Tomorrow will be session #3... stating the obvious, I'm very excited!

Perhaps I shouldn't be feeling so positive about it as I was supposed to resist having the session but my mind is filled with nothing but lust and excitement. How could i feel anything but this way? My whole body and mind craves to be with her... i need another fix of my drug!

For session #2 there was a challenge where I had to resist paying more money than I intended to. I was convincingly defeated. For our next session there will be a new challenge... one i must win!

Tomorrow's session will be split into 2 parts. The first part will occur before she starts her shift in freechat. After this first part I will be given 2 tasks. One will be a blog task and the other will be a study task for my degree. The study task would usually take about 2-3 hours if I were to do it without any distractions and a blog post can take up to an hour. I must complete these tasks during Goddess' shift. I must always be in her freechat room and during this time always welcoming her back and paying her compliments. I must also reply to her whenever she addresses me and answering any questions she asks me... all while studying and blogging. If i have successfully completed my tasks by the time she finishes her shift (which i believe is 5 hours long) then part 2 of our session will commence after her shift. However, if i've failed to finish then i'll have to wait until the following day for part 2 AND pay an additional fee as penalty for lateness.

I don't mean to sound cocky but I'm quietly confident of winning this challenge. Yes it will be tough but i'm pretty good at studying and blogging and if i'm determined i can study really hard and quickly... especially if she gets many private sessions then I will have enough time to complete all tasks!

But i need to be careful... Goddess is good at teasing and driving me crazy... I can also imagine her asking me questions about her outfit or distracting me in other ways as well... but i'm up for the challenge! Tomorrow I will show her and my followers on here that I'm no pushover... i can win some of these challenges.

The panties guessing game

A game Mistress Lilyan likes to play with me is the panties guessing game. The rules are pretty basic, I guess the colour of the panties she is wearing... If i guess correctly then there is a chance that she may give me a quick peek at them. If i'm wrong i get nothing! Panty teasing is one of my favourite things... being teased with upskirts, leg crossing/uncrossing so i can almost but not quite see panties. It drives me absolutely bananas... turns my mind to mush. Goddess is well aware of this and appears to enjoy it immensely also.

Today in her freechat room she was wearing stockings and a sexy red dress... White/red suspenders, pink shoes and green/gold eye makeup. I asked her if i could have a guess of her panties... for free! If Goddess has been satisfied with my behaviour then she will grant me one guess. Today she was feeling very generous and gave me a guess. As she was wearing a red dress, I chose the colour red. I was incorrect :-(

What usually happens after this point is I am offered more guesses at $10 a guess. However, today she informed me it would be $20 a guess!! In case you were wondering, Goddess read my second letter and decided to grant me the chance to see her in a session later this week. The fee for this session is a bit higher than I intended it to be but I have no choice but to pay it... I must see her! I need to transfer the money to my account in Australia before i can pay her which is what i was planning to do later today. She was aware of this and knew that she could convince me to send more by exploiting my panty teasing weakness. I knew this was her plan, but I can't resist my favourite game so i agreed. For each guess i'd owe her an additional $20 on top of the session fee.

My first guess, pink, was incorrect. $20 gone. I followed this up with another guess, purple, wrong again. Now i owed her $40. She had to do a private show so exited her room. During her absence i was well aware of the trap i was getting caught in... Goddess was teasing me mercilessly with her stockings and legs... she's a master at almost giving me glimpses at her panties. How could i resist? I could keep guessing and guessing and fall into dept!

She returned and I informed her that I can't afford any guesses... she smiled and began teasing again. Before i knew what was going on i was begging her for another guess. I guessed silver... wrong again! $60 in dept now. I realised that i really had to stop the game right there and then. However, Goddess then told me I was very close to being correct, and hinted that i should chose white. Excited, I quickly agreed to another $20 and guessed white... wrong again! Goddess laughed, I put my head in my hands and groaned... a groan of frustration and of arousal... i must confess the teasing had me excited as well as frustrated! Goddess had tricked me!

Then i thought about how after adding the $80 on top of my session fee, the total I had to pay now almost double what I was planning to pay last week... before she raised her session fee then started the panty game... she was pushing me beyond my limits... then something happened... the seed of moneyslavery planted by goddess took over... i was so horny at the idea of goddess getting more of my money. I was defeated, i had no idea what colour to choose and was almost certain that I'd choose unsuccessfully... but for a brief moment, i wanted to lose. I wanted to give Goddess an extra $100 instead of $80. So i guessed again... grey! I was wrong again.

$100 and no panties. Goddess was thrilled. I was frustrated but also happy that Goddess was entertained by my plight. In an act of good will she gave me one last free guess... I guessed blue... wrong again!

I then begged to know what colour they were... even if i can't see them. Goddess refused and told me she wanted to torment me. I wanted to be tormented too.

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However, after writing this I realised what colour they must have been... GOLD! Of course! Close to silver and she was wearing gold makeup! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Oh well... I hope goddess enjoys the $100 extra she got from me today... she earned it :-)

How my life will be with Lilyan

I've just finished part one of my session with Goddess. I'll go into details about it later but first I must complete a task that has been set for me by her while i wait for part 2 to begin.

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So I've already spoken in detail about how my life is now... but how do i imagine it being in future if i do indeed hand my life over to her?

As I've mentioned earlier, I'm doing extra study which upon completion will enable me to get a pretty decent job. Nothing spectacular but definitely quite good and well paid. Before then I need to work hard and study hard. Goddess knows that my studies are important for our future together so she would be able to motivate me to study. She can remove all unnecessary distractions and alter my life in a way that it becomes quite streamlined. I study, work and serve her. They are my primary goals. This would be fantastic because pleasing her and serving her gives me such intense pleasure. By streamlining my life in such a way i can get maximum opportunities to serve her, good career results and have fulfillment in my life.

Once my studies are complete and I have the better job I can really start to pamper her in the way she deserves. I will receive pleasure by giving her what she wants... I'll work hard and save and please her.

One problem I've had in the past is my choice of girlfriends hasn't been so good. I get drawn to manipulative, dominant woman (not surprising, is it??) My relationships then end badly. My current girlfriend isn't this way so much but she still has elements of this... She is kinder and more considerate though... but for this reason i don't seem to be sexually attracted to her as much.

One thing that Goddess has helped me realise today is that the perfect answer is to become her devotee. She is different to having a manipulative, dominant girlfriend. Such girlfriends are unaware of what they do or, even worse, well aware of it and do it ruthlessly and hurtfully. However, Goddess Lilyan isn't like this, she is aware of her strengths and gives me what i need... her dominance and power... but with care and love. She can care for me, be a part of my life and let me serve her. Rather than just taking advantage of me and my weaknesses, she understands that i need what she has. It makes me feel complete and satisfied. She knows it's what i need and gives it to me without hurting or attacking my weakness.

Most girls would see the weakness and attack it, control it and break down the rest of who i am... until there's nothing left. Goddess sees my submissive side as both a strength and weakness in me, something to be nurtured and used to make me happy and, of course, make her happy too. I feel this is a very important point and one i've only just discovered now and i really appreciate Goddess helping me realise this. It's the perfect relationship for me. My life with Goddess Lilyan will have meaning, focus and happiness. I can see her weekly for years to come. We can grow up together, share our experiences and be there for each other.

This may sound cheesy to some of you, or that i'm seeing this as a true boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That's not the case. Yes it's not a traditional relationship. For starters, I'd devote myself solely to her while she caters to her stable of devotees. However, this point doesn't matter to me. Lilyan will be my goddess. A goddess has many worshippers. If you look at religion, particularly in the case of born-again followers of religions, people discover religion as a way to give their life meaning and focus. Giving my life to Goddess has many similarities to this. The one major difference being that it serves a sexual need i have as well. She can give my life meaning and protect me from girls who wouldn't treat me the right way too.

I imagine living in an apartment in future. Not a disgusting rundown apartment but also nothing too expensive. Something simple, compact and economical. I'll work hard and also work on the blog too. She will continue to give my life meaning and motivate me. She can make me a better, fulfilled, happy person. It will be absolutely lovely.

Yesterday I mentioned how I would make a post in between sessions. I expected this post to be full of horny ramblings and desperation but it is not the case. Yes I'm horny and hard right now but the feeling is different... it feels like i'm in love. That I've found someone for my future... When i looked into her beautiful blue eyes i was overcome with love. Is it love in a traditional sense? Is there even such a thing as "traditional" love? I don't know and i don't feel that it's important... Love can't really be defined and it comes in many forms. I love Goddess Lilyan. I have strong feelings for her now... I want to serve her and satisfy her. I love her... and i feel like she cares about me too. This all just feels so so right. I'm so lucky to have found her.