My life now...

OK so this post will probably be rather long but i'll try to keep it concise.

If i'm going to document my supposed surrender of my life to Goddess Lilyan then probably the best way to start is to talk about what my life is like now.

I've decided that i don't want to reveal private information about myself because I want to remain anonymous.  Not just for myself but for people who my actions may effect.  I know that many slaves enjoy giving out personal details for blackmail and things like that but while it's something i find interesting it's not my primary interest.  I'd prefer Goddess to take over my life through brainwashing and seduction.  Blackmail brings about an element of fear and a sense of being held hostage and doing things against the slave's will.  At least that's my understanding of it (which may be wrong) and it's not quite what I want.  I'd prefer to be convinced to make life decisions that she wishes me to make... through her beauty and dominance. 

So keep in mind that what i'm about to say about my life is mostly accurate only with a few minor alterations.  However, these alterations shouldn't in any way change any impressions the reader will have of my life. 

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I'm currently living in Japan with my Japanese girlfriend.  We met in my home country 2 years ago and I followed her to Japan when her visa expired.  I'm now working at a high school in Japan as a teacher temporarily and the 2 of us plan to return to England early next year.  We also plan to get married sometime late this year or early next year.

My girlfriend is lovely in many ways and we get along fine...  but there seems to be a lack of excitement in some areas.  There are certain interests i have... interests that are very apparent in this blog... that she doesn't share.  My sexual interests have always been there but the really strong urge to fulfil them had been mostly laying dormant until last week when I found Goddess Lilyan.  Until I met her i was just doing some camming on the side to fulfill a need i had while maintaining my relationship with my girlfriend.  I thought i could strike a balance between my private urges and my public relationship.  However, my experience with Goddess Lilyan was so powerful that I'm starting to doubt weather i can maintain such a balance.  It left such an impression on me that I now feel that having her as just a minor part of my life isn't enough for me.  Or is it?

Anyways i'm starting to get off track here...  There will be plenty of posts to come about Goddess... this post is supposed to be about me and my life.

So while i'm working in Japan i'm also studying a masters degree.  This degree will be finished at the end of next year... after which i can get a pretty well paid job.  Currently i'm teaching english which isn't so well paid plus i'm unemployed 3 months a year during school holiday periods.  On the plus side my living expenses here aren't as high as they would be in England as i'm living in a small town here.

So my financial situation isn't ideal for serving someone as beautiful as Goddess Lilyan but i will try my best to do so plus also show my devotion in other non-financial ways such as this blog.  Furthermore, my finances will improve once i finish my degree.  However, when i go back to England my girlfriend will come with me.  She will require financial support while she finishes off some English studies and finds employment.  It will probably be rather difficult for her to find employment initially however i could be wrong about this.

So there are probably 2 main incentives for me to break up with her.  The first is i can spend more of my time devoting my life to Goddess Lilyan.  The second is it will be better for me financially.

I should point out that I am still quite conflicted about if i should actually surrender my life to Goddess.  Of course while I'm writing this blog I'm thinking about Goddess and therefore right at this point in time i want to surrender.  But then there's other times when i'm not so sure about this.  I have good moments with my girlfriend and at those times i want to stay with her.  However, I've only had one session with Goddess so far so there's every chance that future sessions will change my thinking...  Right at this present time i think i will stay with my girlfriend though...  But i must admit that i secretly hope that my mind is changed.  Does this mean that my mind has already been changed?  The fact that i'm inviting someone so powerful into my head?  I guess this is possible but i'm not so sure.  Right now i'm reflecting on what I've done so far but aside from that I'm just following my instincts...  Or maybe she has already planted the seeds in my head and what i think is my instincts is actually her wishes?

Am I her prey that she is seeking to catch or am i already hers?  Maybe she is just playing with me like a cat does with a mouse...

Anyways i think i'll end this here...  It's a bit of a ramble but something i should get out of the way.  Future posts should be more focused on Goddess Lilyan and/or our sessions together.