Pre-session #3 & study challenge game

Tomorrow will be session #3... stating the obvious, I'm very excited!

Perhaps I shouldn't be feeling so positive about it as I was supposed to resist having the session but my mind is filled with nothing but lust and excitement. How could i feel anything but this way? My whole body and mind craves to be with her... i need another fix of my drug!

For session #2 there was a challenge where I had to resist paying more money than I intended to. I was convincingly defeated. For our next session there will be a new challenge... one i must win!

Tomorrow's session will be split into 2 parts. The first part will occur before she starts her shift in freechat. After this first part I will be given 2 tasks. One will be a blog task and the other will be a study task for my degree. The study task would usually take about 2-3 hours if I were to do it without any distractions and a blog post can take up to an hour. I must complete these tasks during Goddess' shift. I must always be in her freechat room and during this time always welcoming her back and paying her compliments. I must also reply to her whenever she addresses me and answering any questions she asks me... all while studying and blogging. If i have successfully completed my tasks by the time she finishes her shift (which i believe is 5 hours long) then part 2 of our session will commence after her shift. However, if i've failed to finish then i'll have to wait until the following day for part 2 AND pay an additional fee as penalty for lateness.

I don't mean to sound cocky but I'm quietly confident of winning this challenge. Yes it will be tough but i'm pretty good at studying and blogging and if i'm determined i can study really hard and quickly... especially if she gets many private sessions then I will have enough time to complete all tasks!

But i need to be careful... Goddess is good at teasing and driving me crazy... I can also imagine her asking me questions about her outfit or distracting me in other ways as well... but i'm up for the challenge! Tomorrow I will show her and my followers on here that I'm no pushover... i can win some of these challenges.

The panties guessing game

A game Mistress Lilyan likes to play with me is the panties guessing game. The rules are pretty basic, I guess the colour of the panties she is wearing... If i guess correctly then there is a chance that she may give me a quick peek at them. If i'm wrong i get nothing! Panty teasing is one of my favourite things... being teased with upskirts, leg crossing/uncrossing so i can almost but not quite see panties. It drives me absolutely bananas... turns my mind to mush. Goddess is well aware of this and appears to enjoy it immensely also.

Today in her freechat room she was wearing stockings and a sexy red dress... White/red suspenders, pink shoes and green/gold eye makeup. I asked her if i could have a guess of her panties... for free! If Goddess has been satisfied with my behaviour then she will grant me one guess. Today she was feeling very generous and gave me a guess. As she was wearing a red dress, I chose the colour red. I was incorrect :-(

What usually happens after this point is I am offered more guesses at $10 a guess. However, today she informed me it would be $20 a guess!! In case you were wondering, Goddess read my second letter and decided to grant me the chance to see her in a session later this week. The fee for this session is a bit higher than I intended it to be but I have no choice but to pay it... I must see her! I need to transfer the money to my account in Australia before i can pay her which is what i was planning to do later today. She was aware of this and knew that she could convince me to send more by exploiting my panty teasing weakness. I knew this was her plan, but I can't resist my favourite game so i agreed. For each guess i'd owe her an additional $20 on top of the session fee.

My first guess, pink, was incorrect. $20 gone. I followed this up with another guess, purple, wrong again. Now i owed her $40. She had to do a private show so exited her room. During her absence i was well aware of the trap i was getting caught in... Goddess was teasing me mercilessly with her stockings and legs... she's a master at almost giving me glimpses at her panties. How could i resist? I could keep guessing and guessing and fall into dept!

She returned and I informed her that I can't afford any guesses... she smiled and began teasing again. Before i knew what was going on i was begging her for another guess. I guessed silver... wrong again! $60 in dept now. I realised that i really had to stop the game right there and then. However, Goddess then told me I was very close to being correct, and hinted that i should chose white. Excited, I quickly agreed to another $20 and guessed white... wrong again! Goddess laughed, I put my head in my hands and groaned... a groan of frustration and of arousal... i must confess the teasing had me excited as well as frustrated! Goddess had tricked me!

Then i thought about how after adding the $80 on top of my session fee, the total I had to pay now almost double what I was planning to pay last week... before she raised her session fee then started the panty game... she was pushing me beyond my limits... then something happened... the seed of moneyslavery planted by goddess took over... i was so horny at the idea of goddess getting more of my money. I was defeated, i had no idea what colour to choose and was almost certain that I'd choose unsuccessfully... but for a brief moment, i wanted to lose. I wanted to give Goddess an extra $100 instead of $80. So i guessed again... grey! I was wrong again.

$100 and no panties. Goddess was thrilled. I was frustrated but also happy that Goddess was entertained by my plight. In an act of good will she gave me one last free guess... I guessed blue... wrong again!

I then begged to know what colour they were... even if i can't see them. Goddess refused and told me she wanted to torment me. I wanted to be tormented too.

*****************

However, after writing this I realised what colour they must have been... GOLD! Of course! Close to silver and she was wearing gold makeup! GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

Oh well... I hope goddess enjoys the $100 extra she got from me today... she earned it :-)

Dear Mistress Lilyan, #2

Yesterday I was trying to be "strong" and make a decision that i thought was better for me and my future. My actions and reasoning for them was misguided and, despite my best efforts to be otherwise, disrespectful of your power and superiority.

My letter to you went against everything this blog is supposed to be about. I'm supposed to be handing my life over to you, submitting control. Yesterday I was trying to resist this. Yes it's true that my battle to resist this process is part of the blog too, but the manner in which i was doing it was disrespectful to you.

You are the most beautiful and powerful woman i've ever seen. This includes all woman... real woman, fictional woman and the woman that until now made up my wildest fantasies. Men are known for fantasizing about a "dream woman" that will always exist solely in their head. They dream about meeting that woman one day... even if just for one fleeting moment... but they rarely do. I've been remarkably lucky to meet a woman who goes beyond my wildest fantasies, one who offered me the opportunity to serve her and give my life to her. Yet, in a moment of misguided madness, I chose to resist this offer.

Your offer to me is the greatest gift I could ever receive. One that should be cherished and appreciated. I have no choice but to give everything I can in return for such a gift. By doing this i can feel closer to you... feel your warmth, your power and your presence. This is all that matters. The concerns I had yesterday are entirely insignificant when I compare what I can receive by serving you. In fact, I can't even think about what those concerns are anymore... those thoughts have been replaced by images of you and how great it would feel to serve you in a session this week.

Mistress Lilyan, i beg you, please forgive me for my errors and allow me to see you this week. It's something I crave, something i need, more than anything else in the world right now. I'll do anything you wish in return for such an honour, it's all I can think about right now. I'll present my wallet, my mind and my life to you once again to do with as you please. I need it so bad... PLLLLLLLEASE Goddess I'm down on my knees now... I beg you, please.

Forever yours,
Mylifetolilyan

Dear Mistress Lilyan,

This is an open letter and public declaration to Mistress Lilyan.

As you know, I'm currently battling within myself to resist buying a session with you this week. I was close to caving in earlier today when you were modeling your nude stockings in freechat. Luckily you went to a private session right when i was ready to crack. However, I assure you that was nothing but a momentary lapse of strength. My resolve is stronger than you realise.

I writing to inform you that I will not give in. I will continue to fight and resist your powers and not purchase a show from you this month. I'm sorry but this is something i must do for myself.

I can't afford to spend any more this month plus i really feel like this is all moving so fast... my head is swimming and i feel dizzy and overcome with lust when I see you. I was aware that I might have such feelings when i started this blog but i had no idea that the feelings would be so powerful and so dominant over my other basic senses... they have the potential to overtake any rational or common sense thoughts I have which is not something I anticipated at all. I can't have my urges to serve you feel more important than my basic primal needs. I won't let that happen.

So I'm afraid I'm going to have to refrain from any sessions with you during August. I'll continue to be in your freechat room as ordered and i'll also continue to follow your orders to not cum without your permission. Despite my fears and concerns right now, I remain a devoted slave to you. I still wish to serve you to my fullest potential. It will be my pleasure to continue to do so too... providing you are still willing to allow me to.

I hope this letter doesn't come across as disrespectful in any way, I'm only trying to stay within my limits and not get in too deep so soon. I set these limits at the beginning of the blog and I need to maintain those to avoid losing complete control. I really hope you understand and won't be angry with me. I'm sure you will continue to try and convince me otherwise but as I said before, my mind is made up that i will not see you this month. I really hope you understand. I promise to serve you in the way you deserve next month once I'm working again.


Forever your devoted slave,
David

Can i resist Mistress Lilyan?

So today is another day home alone, Mistress Lilyan is in freechat rooms, and I'm feeling particularly weak and desperate today. Very vulnerable.

It's been a while since i cum... well actually it's 9 days which i guess isn't so long for some people but very long for me. However, when having thoughts about the sexiest woman i've ever encountered running through my head so much I think it makes it that much more difficult. There are many occasions when Goddess' image will pop into my head. Sometimes it will be at home alone and i may rub myself through my pants as I embrace such lovely images. However, there's other occasions in public, or even worse, when with my girlfriend when this happens. In those situations i have to hide the bulge in my pants and try to remove the image from my mind... Achieving such removal has proven increasingly difficult over the past few weeks.

As one can imagine, being denied orgasm makes these thoughts much more powerful. They are harder to fight against due to their intoxicating power and the undeniable fact that a part of me craves these thoughts. An addiction is forming inside of me, I crave contact with Goddess. I crave her attention and I crave to hear her voice and see her body... and feel her power. When I'm unable to get what i crave, my mind recreates the experience in my mind... to satisfy my craving. It's something I can't control.

The problem i have is i'm supposed to study right now... for myself and for my future life with Goddess. Studying is becoming increasingly difficult. I have 3 major assignments due later this month and i'm not allowed to cum without Mistress Lilyan's permission. Unsurprisingly, permission has been denied unless I can pay for a session.

Funds for me right now are very tight, but I could stretch myself and pay for a session... However, this really will be stretching... so much so that i'll need to have some financial assistance from my girlfriend and family over the next month when i'm not working. This is something that doesn't sit very well with me... I don't want to be financially dependent on others.

More importantly, right from the start I've told Goddess that i wouldn't be able to buy a session with her while i'm not working. When i told her she gave one of her warm, welcoming smiles, looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes and told me she understood my request and wouldn't demand I buy a session. However, she later set some rules that I must obey. She told me i mustn't cum, with my GF or by myself, without her permission. When she told me this she once again stared deep into me and smiled. Although this time the smile and stare was one of power, dominance and control. with her words and expression she was telling me that she didn't need to demand i buy a session because she believed that i'd begging to have one with her despite my tight finances. She felt very confident that her teasing, her seduction and her power would be irresistible.

So now we are where she anticipated. It hasn't even been 2 weeks yet and I'm already weak and vulnerable. I'm desperate to cum, to worship her in session and to please her. It's absolutely vital that i resist these urges to show Goddess that I still have some strength and resistance. If i fail to resist then she knows that she can use her powers to make me pay... to prioritise my life to her whims... to become her moneyslave.

Moneyslavery is one thing i'm getting quite concerned about. Right now I have strong, almost uncontrollable urges. Like many men I have my fetishes and some arouse more than others. However, moneyslavery and financial domination is one fetish that isn't as strong as some of the others. However, it's something i'm interested in and like many men I've browsed blogs and websites devoted to moneyslavery... doing this reveals how dangerous this fetish can be... how addictive and damaging it is. By buying a session when funds are so tight, I really feel that i'm getting closer to moneyslavery... and i'm sure Mistress Lilyan is well aware of this too. She's so good at mindfucking that she will surely cease the opportunity to make my craving for moneyslavery grow. Maybe she can make me get a rush out of spending money i shouldn't then having to rely on others financially? That can then lead to me spending their money! Or getting loans from them... Or even accessing their accounts! I know Goddess has the ability to do this because she's boasted about doing this very thing in her blog.

Right now I can resist any requests she'd make of this nature, and i'm sure she knows this too. However, after more sessions of brainwashing I'm not sure if i could... and i'm certain she knows this too!

So it's vital that I resist her teasing this weekend... She'll surely try to convince me to book a session with her this week. She knows my weaknesses and she is very powerful. However, I feel that i can win this battle. I must give myself hope! I'll do everything i can to resist... to fight her power. I can still run this blog and serve her while keeping a certain part of myself in control and not surrendering entirely. This is what I said i'd do and i must continue down that path. A path that will be pleasurable and wonderful for myself and, I'm sure, for Goddess too. I can feel Goddess trying to make me change paths though, to one much darker and more dangerous... The pleasure can be stronger and more intoxicating, yet also damaging too. Goddess would probably enjoy this path more... would i enjoy it more too? I'm honestly not sure right now... i get the feeling the answer is "no" but i'm slowly changing my opinion... or to be more accurate, my opinion is being slowly changed. It's a change i must fight against... for now....

Mistress Lilyan is my drug

So today is one of those days that i'm home with my GF. Mistress Lilyan is in freechat so a short time ago i quickly had a peek in her room. My apartment is very small so using the computer in privacy is very difficult... and risky! But i had an opportunity to peek just for 2 minutes.

What I saw in those 2 minutes was well beyond my expectations. She was wearing PVC! Yes that's right... a sexy PVC dress. This is the first time I've seen her dressed in something so dominant. Then she was also wearing lace gloves and sexy nylons. I was overcome when i first saw her. I was standing at the time (the laptop was on a shelf in a cupboard) and my knees literally buckled and i had to do all i could to restrain myself from gasping loudly. This was a whole new level. Or at least it felt that way... several new levels in fact. How is this so? Is my Goddess getting sexier? Or am I just falling deeper and deeper under her power?

During this time my GF was on the couch... within eyesight of me. She started to stand up so i had to close the window. However, she was going to have a shower! This small piece of information filled me with excitement... I could spend another few minutes with Mistress Lilyan and with sound too!

The very second i heard the shower turn on i rushed back into her room and put my headphones on. I informed my Goddess that i was back and could hear her now... She greeted me with her sexy tone... her greeting spoke volumes... it was full of confidence and awareness of how deep i was trapped into her world. She started running her lace gloves over her pantyhose clad legs... the sound sent shivers up my spine... my knees buckled again. The rush or ecstasy that ran over me was greater than any real-life sexual stimulus I could receive... more so than a passionate kiss... Just to listen and watch her run her hands over her legs. The feeling i felt was far greater than i could anticipate... it really did feel like i was getting a hit of a drug i craved... it was about 4 or 5 days since i'd seen her on cam... i was feeling withdrawal before now.

She is right... i'm an addict and she is my drug.

My life with Mistress Lilyan so far

I wanted to say that this is my first post for a while but it's only been 3 days! But it feels like ages! We've had differing schedules recently so haven't caught each other online very often either. However, she feels just as present in my mind as ever.

I've been working hard to please her and applied for a small temp job during my holidays... in an effort to be able to tribute her in the way she deserves... Despite the work I do here on this blog i still owe her so much more. She's already started to change my life for the better so i need to repay her for that. However, I do this out of adoration and love more than anything else. Pleasing her pleases me immensely.

I feel that we are able to enter another phase soon... I'm not allowed to cum unless I'm in session with her and my last session was one week ago. This is a reasonably long time for me and my constant thoughts of her makes it much harder. However, it's my duty to myself and my future with Mistress Lilyan that i achieve good scores in my studies... so i need to stay focused on that. As my financial situation isn't so stable over the next couple of months, it would be quite irresponsible of me to pay for another session so soon... but i feel i need it really badly. I have the feeling that Mistress Lilyan knows this as well. It's part of her plan to use orgasm denial to lure me deeply into financial domination and slavery. To be her moneyslave. It seems some new battlegrounds are being drawn up now... I haven't won previously but I need to try and win this time. I must resist the urge to see her again so soon. But how can I resist her powers?

Despite this issue, I'm still overwhelmingly happy to have Mistress Lilyan in my life... I do say the phrase "in my life" however with each passing day it gets closer and closer to "control my life" That's what I'm simultaneously urging and resisting... to have Mistress Lilyan control my life.