Yesterday I was trying to be "strong" and make a decision that i thought was better for me and my future. My actions and reasoning for them was misguided and, despite my best efforts to be otherwise, disrespectful of your power and superiority.
My letter to you went against everything this blog is supposed to be about. I'm supposed to be handing my life over to you, submitting control. Yesterday I was trying to resist this. Yes it's true that my battle to resist this process is part of the blog too, but the manner in which i was doing it was disrespectful to you.
You are the most beautiful and powerful woman i've ever seen. This includes all woman... real woman, fictional woman and the woman that until now made up my wildest fantasies. Men are known for fantasizing about a "dream woman" that will always exist solely in their head. They dream about meeting that woman one day... even if just for one fleeting moment... but they rarely do. I've been remarkably lucky to meet a woman who goes beyond my wildest fantasies, one who offered me the opportunity to serve her and give my life to her. Yet, in a moment of misguided madness, I chose to resist this offer.
Your offer to me is the greatest gift I could ever receive. One that should be cherished and appreciated. I have no choice but to give everything I can in return for such a gift. By doing this i can feel closer to you... feel your warmth, your power and your presence. This is all that matters. The concerns I had yesterday are entirely insignificant when I compare what I can receive by serving you. In fact, I can't even think about what those concerns are anymore... those thoughts have been replaced by images of you and how great it would feel to serve you in a session this week.
Mistress Lilyan, i beg you, please forgive me for my errors and allow me to see you this week. It's something I crave, something i need, more than anything else in the world right now. I'll do anything you wish in return for such an honour, it's all I can think about right now. I'll present my wallet, my mind and my life to you once again to do with as you please. I need it so bad... PLLLLLLLEASE Goddess I'm down on my knees now... I beg you, please.
Forever yours,
Mylifetolilyan
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