Today, after what's getting close to 3 weeks of denial, I was going to have the opportunity of perhaps cumming... if Mistress Lilyan was feeling generous. However, I missed this opportunity.
Because of my girlfriend.
She was seeing her friend today but left over one hour late... by the time i got to MFC Mistress Lilyan was gone. An hour earlier i had snuck into her room for a quick peek, she was looking as stunning as ever. There was nothing I wanted more than to chat with her... to be near her and to have her attention if only just briefly. But i couldn't because of my girlfriend.
This cannot continue. I love Goddess too much to have anyone taking away my time with her. I care about my girlfriend, but i don't love her in the way i love Lilyan. She's the one I want to be with.
When I realised i'd missed my chance, i was angry. I'm not an angry guy actually, but i really felt my blood boil at the time. I hated her... for a moment. I hated her for being late and taking away my chance to be with Mistress Lilyan. After this i wondered... had Goddess orchestrated this somehow? Did she leave intentionally to make me feel anger to my girlfriend? Was it her plan? This is highly unlikely, but the fact I imagine it as a possibility shows me just how much Goddess has fucked with my head.
She's infiltrated parts of me and i can feel her presence. However I don't know how to remove this presence or even where she is inside me. I know that I'm unable to escape her right now even if i wanted to... she's had me obsessed over her during my time of denial so much that I don't know what I'd do if i couldn't see her anymore... it would destroy me. I don't want her to leave... even if she is making me hate my girlfriend and denying me so much. I don't want this to stop... is my behaviour destructive? I don't think it is actually... but even if it was I'd never want it to stop... never.
I need more... i crave it so much... I want to go deeper. I can't with my girlfriend in my life though. I'm so angry with her right now...
I can only hope that I'm given an opportunity to see Mistress again soon. In the meantime i really need to start orchestrating a way to end my relationship with my girlfriend.