Back after a break...

Hello all, Long time no see/type! As you all know, Goddess was on holiday for a while to move house... and i was away for a while too... but my absence has been a little longer than planned. This is something i will explain now. My travels didn't exactly go as planned... there were some issues i had to deal with when i returned to my hometown and it was pretty psychologically and financially draining. When i returned a few weeks ago i wasn't in a financial or mental condition to serve Goddess the way she deserves. Additionally, my studies had become very hectic. My studies will end in a couple of weeks and my finances will be in a better state in 3-4 weeks. So my intention was to take some time off from the blog and Goddess and focus on my studies and save money for later in the month. I'm unsure just how much this decision is to Mistress Lilyan's liking, but I believe this is ok for her. This decision seemed like the right one for me... until Goddess started being on cam again. She was online last weekend but i wasn't home alone so couldn't view her cam. But knowing she was back changed my thinking very quickly... immediately the craving returned... just as strong as ever... despite not seeing her for over a month. The addiction hadn't subsided in the slightest. However, knowing I need to focus on studies, I've attempted to put my cravings to one side for now. Today is Saturday and I'm home alone... and i was anticipating that Goddess will be online today. The second I woke up this morning (at 5am!) i got hard immediately. I kept thinking of what she might wear today if she was online... how her voice would sound and how deeply entrancing her stare would be and what sexy poses she would strike. I needed to get back to sleep but i couldn't... instead I got up and started studying in an attempt to distract myself. This worked pretty well until she got online. Since then i've been watching her silently as a guest... I immediately had a craving to blog... which i'm doing right now. Such feelings of lust and devotion consumed me as soon as i saw her again. To be honest i was starting to wonder a couple of weeks ago if my addiction for her was subsiding... I guess recovering from an addiction should be seen as a good thing, right? But for me it wasn't... i crave addiction.... and now that i know i'm just as hooked as ever i'm absolutely thrilled. I just need to hope that Goddess isn't upset with my absence over the past week. Actually, i wouldn't have been able to see her before today even if i wanted to... but i've only emailed her once and haven't blogged. Yes i have reasons for this which i feel are valid but i must admit that i feel that my attention and devotion to Goddess has been unsatisfactory. She deserves better and i feel bad about not reaching my, and i presume her, expectations. I just need to hope for her forgiveness. I'll post this then attempt to contact her again and hope she isn't too upset with me. I'll have to earn her approval again i suspect... i sincerely hope that i can.